So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
