I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
