That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
