My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
