Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize