I wish I only lived at night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
