If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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