capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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