he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
