my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
