I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
