This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
