3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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