Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
