I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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