Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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