Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im holly from the hills drunk
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
