Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
