I want to have your abortion
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
