She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
