i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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