Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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