I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
