My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
