ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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