did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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