It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
