She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
