Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
