dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
