he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
