I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize