hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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