she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
