I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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