I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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