someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
