chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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