Too much gin, very little bucket
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
