this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
