i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize