First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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