I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
