If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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