When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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