just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
