Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
