my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
