dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Two words: blizzard sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
