Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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