My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
