You work out of a Hotel?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
