you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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