hotel room ftw
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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