i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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