He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
