I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
