Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
