I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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