if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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