are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
