no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
