I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
this will be a night to untag.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
