so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
