Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
