As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
