I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize