he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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