i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
