A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
