the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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