I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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