Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
