First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
