turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
